I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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