You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
