me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
