That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
