Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
True strength comes from lack of pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
