is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
