I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
