I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
