know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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