I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
