I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
