I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
