hell yes lets make some ravioli
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
