Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
