It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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