I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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