How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
