How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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