you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
