It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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