My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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