Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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