When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
