am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
