ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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