His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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