know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
