She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
