he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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