I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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