My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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