elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
