Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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