Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
