I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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