grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
