the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
