i think my mom watched the whole time
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
