Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
