I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Help. Why am I so naked?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
