made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
