He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
