i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
