Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The adults are the big ones right?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
