Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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