Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
