he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
