I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
