we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
