mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
